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Parenting Groups

Parenting groups are a group of parents or grandparents, aunts and uncles, siblings, caretakers, etc who are raising a child and they assemble together along with others who are involved in the process of parenting such as educators, social services people, and policymakers for the benefit of the community.

If you are considering joining one of the local parenting groups in your area looking for people who could understand the trials, tribulations and triumphs you face with your children everyday.

These groups are sometimes organized for special purposes like for children with disabilities or facing medical problems. Parenting groups are organized for gay or lesbian parents also to take care of their children. Other parenting groups are formed for no special reason except out of the need for mutual support. Previously, parenting groups were formed according to geographic location of the parents but with the advent of internet technology groups can now be formed irrespective of geographic location.

Parenting Groups

Parenting groups are gaining popularity because they provide parents with training and understanding in meeting the challenges of parenthood Parenting groups are formed by many families not for the education, to receive emotional support and have meet other parents with similar circumstances. Some parenting groups can be very small with just a handful of members, whereas others could be fairly large with hundreds of candidates.

General activities in a parenting group includes talking and listening to each other's problems and deriving solutions, making new friends, distributing helpful information, arranging for speakers on various topics. Some parenting groups even set up respite care or babysitting arrangements. These parenting groups sometimes unite to raise the family concerns that cannot be represented elsewhere.

Parents are allowed in an open forum to express themselves and tell the rest of the group what they are thinking. This can be particularly helpful in special parenting groups such as groups helping disabled children. It shows each member that many people deal with similar type of situations. At homes, where parents are raising disabled children or raising children in a gay household a parent may not find a lot of empathy in the traditional community towards their family. It is a much better idea to form parenting groups and friendship with people who truly understand and identify with the circumstances rather than isolating him or herself.

Joining is a productive and unselfish way to help the community. Often times schools are in short of funds, or a playground is in need or repair then these parenting groups take the matter seriously and demand change, chances are things will happen quickly. Nothing bad can come from making new friends and trying to make a difference in the life of a child.

Parenting Groups
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Deaf Parenting - An Individual Education Plan (IEP) To Effectively Meet Educational Needs

It is important for parents of deaf and other special needs children to understand what an Individual Education Plan is and how to ensure your child's education needs are being met in his or her IEP.

In this article, I will discuss:

What is an IEP

Deaf Parenting - An Individual Education Plan (IEP) To Effectively Meet Educational Needs

Give tips for having an effective IEP that meets your child's educational needs

An IEP is a document that details the special needs services for special needs students. The IEP includes any modifications that are required in the classroom and any additional special programs or services. In the USA an IEP is mandated by the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA 2004). The IEP will address your child's educational needs, and contain specific, measurable short term and annual goals for each of those needs.

This written statement is developed by your child's teachers, and is reviewed and agreed to by your child's special needs education funding organization and you, the parents. The IEP describes the goals the team sets for your child during the school year, as well as any special support needed to help your child achieve his or her educational goals.

In our case with our deaf son, Larry, we lived in Marlboro, MA and Larry attended school at The Learning Center for Deaf Children in Framingham, MA. The town of Marlboro funded the cost of his education. So we dealt with the special needs education supervisor in Marlboro and Larry's teachers in Framingham.

The IEP meeting is usually attended by the child's classroom teacher, the child's department supervisor, the funding special needs education supervisor and the parents.

The IEP document can be very daunting lots of pages with a lot of official sounding documentation.

Here are tips based on our experience on ensuring your child has an effective IEP that meets his or her educational needs:

Tip#1: You as parents need to be proactive and take an active role in developing the goals for your child's IEP. You need to have regular interactions with your child's teachers and school supervisors to understand what your child is being taught, how your child is progressing and what your child will be taught next. This will help you in 2 ways: firstly you will be able to understand what is being stated in your child's IEP and you can make sure which educational needs will receive the most attention. Secondly your child's teacher will realize that you are interested in your child's education and they will make extra efforts on behalf of your child. I firmly believe that it is always good to set high expectations for the people working with your child.

Tip#2: Usually your child's special needs education funding organization will have meetings a few times a year to discuss their plans etc. Attend as many of these meetings as possible and develop a relationship with the supervisor for your child's special needs education. This relationship will allow you to discuss and make requests suited to your child's educational requirements.

Tip#3: We requested a copy of Larry's IEP 2 days before the IEP meeting so my wife and I could review the IEP. Your child's teacher is usually very busy developing IEPs so you need to give the teacher early notice that you need the IEP for review. Having a relationship with your child's teacher and the funding special education supervisor will really help here because you will already know what level of education your child is at and what is the next level of education and services to be addressed in the IEP.

Tip#4: You need to remember that you as parents can bring with you to the IEP meeting others involved with your child that you feel are important for the IEP team to hear, such as, your child's psychologist or tutor. I would recommend keeping surprises for the IEP team to a minimum and again your working relationship with your child's education team should help you resolve issues and have agreements on your child's educational needs before the IEP meeting.

Tip#5: Parents should remember that IEPs can be updated any time during the year. For Larry, he was very good at mathematics and we had the IEP amended during the school year to provide Mathematics tutoring during the summer for the next level of Mathematics. Since we had a good relationship with our town's special needs education supervisor, this was easily done and Larry had his Mathematics teacher as a tutor during the summer.

Tip#6: Here are a couple of things I wished we would have done differently. In middle school Larry was struggling with Reading and English. He had a literature class where the reading material was Shakespeare. We knew he was struggling with Reading and English and this class was frustrating him a lot. We should have had a discussion with this teacher and the Middle School supervisor and find a solution that met Larry's needs and have his IEP amended. In addition, we should have requested a tutor for Reading and English where the tutoring was done in American Sign Language

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Alex Stephen invites you get our Free story "Unimaginable Miracles- A Family's Journey with a Deaf Child". Please go to http://www.DeafParenting.com sign in and download the FREE PDF or AUDIO. Discover how our Deaf child grew up confident, independent and successful beyond our imagination! We appreciate your comments, and you are welcome to share "Your Story" on our blog. It could change someone's life! Thank You.

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The Effects Of Single Parenting On Children

Times have really changed. Many old customs and traditions which were taught and practiced for several years are becoming obsolete now. The modern culture has changed and outgrown values and beliefs that were thought to be the core.

Even though moralists and conservative people are expressing disgust over the currently evolving belief and culture systems, the truth is, however, what has been unacceptable in the old world is now becoming fast and rapidly rising trends.

Some of the effects of single parenting have ranged from social to financial issues.

The Effects Of Single Parenting On Children

For decades and even centuries, one of the most concerning issues to conservative people is the issue of single parenting. Ancient social philosophies have often linked single parenting to adventurism and liberation of people.

The Catholic Church has always been the dominating mentor and guide of traditions, norms and living. The church is so adamant to advocate the sanctity of the sacrament of marriage of matrimony.

That is why the procreation outside wedlock is strictly considered a ground for excommunication. It is one of the greatest sins, according to the Catholic Church, to engage in pre-marital sex.

From the church's point of view, single parenthood can be considered as a punishment of some sorts, for those who disobey the teachings of the church. Obviously the fundamentalists think otherwise. So, is it?

Single parenting is already becoming a rapidly growing trend in the society. Studies show, that in the US alone, there are four single parents to every ten parents and there are two single parents for every 10 adults. Could you believe it?

The Child

Since the decision of single parenting is taken by the parent, one voice is often ignored and sometimes unheard of. It is that of the child's.

It has been found that single parenting has adverse mental, emotional and psychological effect on the child. This has been validated by psychologists and advocates from time to time.

The direct effect of being raised by a single parent is especially visible in child's thinking and mental mind set.

Although single parents must be commended for raising a child alone, he or she should not be blamed for any mental or psychological result of the situation to the child, as psychological assert.

Tests and observations have consistently concluded and found that single parenting makes children more aggressive and rebellious. Experts say the behavior could be the outcome of the angst and humiliation the child experiences while growing.

There are very obvious reasons to make the child feel abnormal, different and unaccepted. The traditional families have two parents, the mom and the dad, jointly raising kids with help and advice from each other. Whereas in single parenting, a single person decides what is best for the child and sometimes takes extreme measures to get it accomplished.

Neighborhood also plays an important role in the development of single parent raised children. Sometimes it treats them too cruelly, which can make things worse. Humiliation and awkward feeling of insecurity is dangerous if left untreated or undetected in the child. That child can take the burden for the rest of his or her life.

In some conditions, single parents and their children both may need professional help through counseling. Counselors can give reasonable advice to the child and the single parent to make sure every small issue and difficulty is ironed out.

Counseling from professionals can form or make up a support system that will make single parenting easier and more effective. Because single parenting is no ordinary parenting, the parent and the child must learn to accept the situation minus the negative feeling.

It's a difficult situation for any child to be raised with one parent, but surprisingly, not an impossible one anymore. Society has accepted the facts and has stopped looking at single parenting as an abnormal occurrence. There is a positive trend which is especially useful in reducing, if not nullifying, the adverse effects on single parents and their children.

The Effects Of Single Parenting On Children
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Get a free single parenting book that will help reveal and provide solutions to some of the problems faced by a single parent. Get this book now by going to: about single parenting. Also to read more articles and get further resources on single parenting visit good single parenting articles [http://www.singleparentcenter.net/singleparentingarticles.html].

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Parenting the Traumatized Child - Seven Tips

Unfortunately, there are many types of trauma children experience. In the Child Welfare Trauma Training Tool, 14 types of trauma are identified. The seven tips listed below have the five most common types of child trauma in mind: (1) physical abuse which occurs when a child suffers injury as a result of being hit, burned, kicked, or shaken; (2) neglect which occurs when a child's basic needs - food, clothing, shelter, medical care and education - are not being met; (3) sexual abuse occurs when an adult or older child engages a younger child in a sexual act and includes exposing a child to pornography, fondling, touching, sexual intercourse, and rape; (4) emotional abuse which includes verbal abuse; and (5) "systems induced trauma" which occurs as a result of a child being removed from their home for foster care placement. It is important for caregivers to be aware of the mere fact that a child has been removed from their home, placed in foster care, and separated from siblings and friends is traumatic.

It is also important for you to know that, as the caregiver, you are critical to your child's recovery.
The help your child needs is from you as a parent or caregiver. If you are presently parenting a traumatized child, here are seven tips to help you understand the child in your care. If your child's needs are more than you can handle, seek help from a mental health professional.

Tip #1: Know the signs of trauma and be observant. Children who have experienced abuse often have extreme and sudden changes in their behavior. If you are a foster or adoptive parent, you may not know how or if your child's behavior has changed, or if the behavior you see is normal for a child their age. Therefore, it is important to listen when your child talks and be observant of their behaviors when it appears that they are acting out. Take note of what has happened before, during and after negative behavior in an effort to determine the cause. If the negative behavior is extreme relative to the cause, or if it appears there was no apparent reason, the behavior could be a manifestation of trauma. Some of the behavioral signs of trauma are unprovoked anger (demonstrated by hitting, throwing objects, biting, fighting), unexplained fears, crying for no apparent reason; being overly anxious, easily upset, or easily startled. Traumatized children do not know the proper way to react to typical, everyday situations. They need to be taught. The best way to teach children is to model the right way of doing things.

Parenting the Traumatized Child - Seven Tips

Tip #2: Delay discipline. For every child there should rules and consequences for breaking the rules. However, because traumatized children are unaware of the proper way to act, delaying discipline may be the best way to help them. Children of trauma may behave at an age considerably younger than their biological age both emotionally and socially. These children may lack the social skills that another child their age has successfully mastered. Mastering social skills is significant to the healing
process. Take the time to understand why your child acts the way he or she does and where these behaviors come from before deciding on discipline.

As previously stated, in many instances it can be beneficial to model the behavior you desire your child to learn, talking to him or her as you show the child what you would like him or her to do, instead of disciplining. For instance, your child may need to be taught to share when he wants to play with his toys alone, or a child may take what he or she wants, without asking permission. A child not following directions is not necessarily defiance, but may indicate that the child is easily confused and unable to remember what was asked of him or her. As your child begins to master these skills, the rules and consequences can be enforced when problem behavior occurs.

Tip #3: Give your children choices and let them make the final decision. When children have been abused or neglected, there is a sense of helplessness. They soon learn that they have no control in these abusive situations and can become extremely anxious. Children need to have some sense of control in their lives. Giving them choices helps restore a child's sense of control, which also helps
rekindle their mental and emotional development. Your child will be happy because he or she feels a sense of control by choosing what they want to do.

Tip #4: Provide structure. Children of trauma often have problems with attachment. For children with attachment issues, change is difficult. This fact makes structure and routine important. Establishing a set time for waking up in the morning, going to bed at night and everything in between is imperative for these children. It is also of great importance to let them know ahead of time if this set schedule is about to change.

Tip #5: Create a healing environment. Children of abuse and neglect have a great need to feel safe, secure and cared for. Having a sense of being protected is crucial. Children who lack support after a traumatic event suffer more than those who have support from family members or friends. If they have been removed from their homes, that security is lost leaving them feeling lost and alone. These children need to know that someone cares about what happens to them. Hence, it is important for you as a caregiver to help your child feel safe. One way to help a child who has been sexually abused feel safe and secure is by creating a safety plan. Although this child may be a stranger in your home, it is important that you nurture, comfort, and appropriately love that child. As all children do, these children need to be loved unconditionally.

Tip #6: Be a good listener. If your child doesn't want to talk about what he/she has been through, don't force it. Let the child bring the subject up on his or her own. Often, though, children need to tell and simply to be heard. Depending on the age of the child, he or she may not even need you to respond. However, if your child does want to talk, be prepared to listen. Talking about trauma is part of the healing process. Let children express how they feel on their terms and in their own individual way. Listen, but don't judge. Believing their story is important. If you are a foster parent or adoptive parent it is best that you do not ask questions, as an investigation may be pending. Just listen. You may assure them, however, that what happened was not their fault and that you are there to support them.

Tip #7: Consider therapy. Children may not show signs of trauma immediately, but signs may manifest some time later. If children who have been traumatized remain untreated, their traumatized state can interfere with their development with long-lasting consequences. Traumatized children may have regressive behaviors such as bed-wetting when they have already been potty/toilet trained; or an older child acting or talking like a baby who has just learned to speak. Early intervention is important. Seek help from a professional not just for your child, but also for you so that you can respond adequately to your child's special needs and to avoid becoming overwhelmed.
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References

The National Child Traumatic Stress Network. (n.d.). Child Welfare Trauma Referral Tool. Retrieved April 21, 2007, from http://www.nctsnet.org.

Perry, Bruce D., M.D., Ph.D. (2001). [Electronic version]. Bonding and Attachment in Maltreated Children: Consequences of Emotional Neglect in Childhood. Child Trauma Academy, p. 9. Retrieved from http:/www.child trauma.org.

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Michelle Hurtt is founder of Heart Cry Parenting. She offers parenting education classes for parents and caregivers of traumatized children. Michelle is a writer and speaker on child abuse issues. For a free copy of a Family Safety Plan, visit [http://www.heartcryparenting.com] in the Articles and Books section.

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6 Parenting Tips on Special Education Law and Transportation

Are you the parent of a child with autism or a physical disability that needs transportation? Do you wonder what the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) states is the schools responsibility, to provide transportation for your child? This article will discuss what IDEA requires as far as transportation for your child with a disability. Also discussed are parenting tips that you can use, to help your child receive this important service.

Under IDEA transportation is considered a related service. A related service is transportation, developmental, corrective, and other services. . .as may be required to assist a child with a disability to benefit from special education. . .
What this means is that if your child requires transportation in order to benefit from their education, special education personnel are required to provide it.

Parenting Tips:

6 Parenting Tips on Special Education Law and Transportation

1. When advocating for your child, remember that; transportation not only means to and from school, but also in and around the school building, and any specialized equipment required by your child.

2. Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act prevents discrimination on the basis of disability. The law reads: No qualified student shall on the basis of handicap, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or otherwise be subjected to discrimination under any . . .transportation. . .or activity.

For Example: Your child with a physical disability is not allowed to go on a field trip, because the class cannot get the wheelchair bus. This would be a section 504 complaint, because your child is being discriminated against, on the basis of their disability. I have dealt with this situation, and the school district usually quickly fixes the transportation problem, if you tell them that you may file a Section 504 complaint. Section 504 is covered by the Office of Civil Rights in Washington, though each state has at least one office.

3. If your child requires an assistant in the classroom then you may be able to get a bus assistant, if your child's disability requires it. The goal of transportation as a related service is to provide safe access to education. So if your child needs a bus assistant in order to get safely to school, school personnel are required to provide it.

4. If your school district is not providing needed transportation for your child, you can be reimbursed, for providing the transportation yourself. Make sure that your child's IEP, states that they need transportation as a related service, and that you will be reimbursed.

A district may also be required to reimburse parents where:

A. Transportation is needed to provide FAPE and the district fails to meet its obligation.
B. The district doesn't recognize the need for transportation.
C. The district makes inadequate provisions for transportation.

5. If your child's extracurricular activity is related to their IEP goals and objectives, then transportation must be given. For Example: If your child has autism and needs to work on social skills, they can gain that from extra curricular activities. In that case transportation needs to be given by your school district.

6. School districts are not allowed to shorten your child's school day due to transportation. Unfortunately it happens all the time, and you may have to stand up to special education personnel for the good of your child.

IDEA gives children with disabilities equal educational opportunity, which means a full school day. I have often said that if parents of children without disabilities found out there child was to leave school early for transportation, they would be outraged. But parents of special needs children are supposed to accept it. Do not accept it, stand up for your child.

This article has given you a lot of good information about transportation, that you can use to benefit your child's education.

6 Parenting Tips on Special Education Law and Transportation
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JoAnn Collins is the mother of two adults with disabilities, and has helped families navigate the special eduation system, as an advocate, for over 15 years. She is a presenter and author of the book "Disability Deception; Lies Disability Educators Tell and How Parents Can Beat Them at Their Own Game." The book has a lot of resources and information to help parents fight for an appropriate education for their child. For a free E newsletter entitled "The Special Education Spotlight" send an E mail to: JoAnn@disabilitydeception.com For more information on the book, testimonials about the book, and a link to more articles go to: http://www.disabilitydeception.com

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Behavior Modification Techniques - Insights and Suggestions For Their Use in Parenting

Behavior modification techniques have a long, and sometimes controversial, history.

Behavior modification techniques derive from psychological treatment approaches based on the tenents of operant conditioning proposed by B.F. Skinner. The theories of operant conditioning state that behavior can be shaped by reinforcement or lack of it. Skinner introduced operant conditioning to the general public in his 1938 book, The Behavior of Organisms.

As a treatment technique, behavior modification is used to address many problems in both adults and children. Behavior modification has been successfully used to treat attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), phobias, generalized anxiety disorder, enuresis (bed-wetting), separation anxiety disorder, and others.

Behavior Modification Techniques - Insights and Suggestions For Their Use in Parenting

Behavior modification techniques rely on the conscious and planned application of various consequences for behavior to encourage children to replace undesirable behaviors with desirable ones.

Behavioral analysts have observed that all behaviors lead to three basic types of consequences:

* Punishment - a person receives something they do not want as a result of their behavior.
* Penalty - a person loses something they already have as the result of their behavior.
* Reinforcement - a person experiences something that encourages them to repeat a behavior. Reinforcers can be either negative or positive.

Two key tenets of behavior modification are that people choose most, if not all, of their behaviors and that they choose their behaviors based on what they expect to happen as a result of their behavior.

In effect, behavior modification techniques rely on externally applied consequences that are either pleasant or unpleasant in an effort to drive the choice away from undesirable behaviors and towards desirable behaviors.

For example, parents might "punish" a behavior by applying an unpleasant consequence to it in the hope that their child will avoid repeating that behavior in the future.

Likewise, parents might reward a behavior by giving the child something pleasant as a result of their behavior in the hope that their child will repeat the desirable behavior in the future.

Positive reinforcements, like rewards and recognition, can create high-level, willing cooperation. Punishment, penalty, and negative reinforcement tend to create bare-minimum, compliance type behavior.

These techniques have both proponents and critics. Proponents argue that behavior modification techniques teach children the direct correlation between their behavior and the consequences they receive. Critics argue that the techniques teach children to respond only to external stimuli, and that they fail to teach children to self-regulate their behavior.

In my experience as a parent, I have found that a blended approach to parenting works very well. Study and selectively apply behavior modification techniques when a child is younger and then gradually introduce less externally driven motivational strategies as the child grows in intellectual understanding and reasoning ability.

If you choose to use behavior modification techniques as a parent, I strongly recommend that you use a systematic approach so that you will consistently apply rewards, punishments, and penalties with little regard to your emotional or physical energy state at the time you apply the consequences.

Behavior Modification Techniques - Insights and Suggestions For Their Use in Parenting
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With his wife Sandra, Guy Harris co-created a positive parenting program called The Behavior Bucks System. Guy and Sandra Harris are both Human Behavioral Consultants and parents.

In The Behavior Bucks System, they share what they have learned from both research and practical experience. This system:
* Provides positive parenting tips,
* Applies positive parenting techniques,
* Implements sound behavior modification techniques,
* Addresses child behavior management and control, and
* Teaches how to change your kid's behavior.

The Behavior Bucks System provides a systematic method for addressing complex behavioral issues in a simple and straight forward way.
This system comes complete with everything you need to create a powerful positive parenting program in your home.

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Parenting Plans - Using a Template and a Child Custody Calendar

Once you have made the decision to divorce, a parenting plan can be a valuable tool in a number of ways. Not only will it help you design a plan for how you are going to raise your children, but it may also help you gain more control during a battle for custody. A good parenting plan will help you make long term plans for your children that are realistic and help you keep track of your child custody calendar.

You can find parenting plan templates online, and you can use them to create a plan that is uniquely yours. Not all families or circumstances are identical so it is important for you to modify the template to suit your circumstances. The end result should be a plan that addresses the individual needs of your family.

One of the most important features of an effective parenting plan is that any adult who reads it can easily understand it and gain perspective about your family situation. While it is mainly a tool to be used to encourage a settlement between you and your ex-spouse, there may also be a time when a judge will read it. Keep the important functions that your plan may perform in mind when preparing it.

Parenting Plans - Using a Template and a Child Custody Calendar

Your plan should also include a child custody calendar. This calendar shows the custody and visitation time of each parent. The calendar should be clearly marked and easy to read. It is helpful if the time-share percentage that each parent has with the child is included with the custody calendar.

You should always stick to the facts of your family's situation whether you are writing about the past or about current events. Your parenting plan is not a good place to express your opinions about your ex-spouse. It is appropriate to list your expectations and goals for the future. If a judge reads the parenting plan, he will understand that you don't agree on all the details with your ex-spouse without your having to spell it out for him.

Unless there are extenuating circumstances, joint custody is usually granted to both parents. If your ex-spouse doesn't pose a danger to your child, then you should accept that you will both continue to share a relationship with your child. Don't try to degrade the other parent in your parenting plan as an attempt to eliminate him as an equal custodian.

Show that you understand and respect the importance of your parenting plan by making sure it follows a template that is presented in a way that can be easily read and understood. Don't leave any spelling or grammatical errors, and have someone else proofread it to make sure they have no difficulty understanding it.

Make sure that the template you follow has a section where you can describe your parenting philosophy. This is the most important part of your parenting plan since it will tell the judge that you have made plans that include all of the important aspects of your child's life.

To create a parenting plan that has all of the features to make it effective, look at several templates and take the important features from each to create the one that is best for you. Include a child custody calendar to the other information and you should end up with a complete plan.

Parenting Plans - Using a Template and a Child Custody Calendar
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Discover how Custody X Change provides the best parenting plan template and find out how to make a child custody calendar.

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Shared Parenting

When two people decide their marriage is over, the hardest part is the effect on the children. Many couples stay together for the sake of the children; while others realize, for the child's sake, separation is the only way; and then other couples never consider the children. They think only of their needs, expecting the children to survive. It is not the act of divorce itself but the process involved that determines its effects on children. The emotional impact of divorce on a child's development in the early years of life can create problems in childhood, adolescence, and adult life. As the child matures, their personal and interpersonal behaviors are involved, such as:

The ability to create deep and enduring love relations The strength to tolerate the imperfect satisfaction of personal needs The attitudes and desire to cooperate with others The motivation to learn and work

The paths these behaviors take start in the early years of life by the quality of the attachment bond with both mother and father that established during this time. The ideal situation for any child is to live in a two-parent home where the parents love each other and the child. However, statistics show that a child in a happy single parent situation fares better that a child living in a home with constant fighting and bickering. Separation Anxiety Considerable evidence now documents that most infants form meaningful attachments to both of their parents at roughly the same age (birth to 7 months). This is true even though many fathers spend less time with their infants than mothers do. The infant may come to prefer the parent who takes primary responsibility, usually the mother, for their care; but this does not mean the relationship with the other parent is unimportant. A child may begin to develop separation anxiety which is a normal phase of development beginning with mobility at around 8 months and intensifying from 12 to 18 months. But with added turmoil or stress, the child may experience intense emotions when separated from either parent. They don't understand the concept of time and don't know when the parent will return, which could result in a lot of crying and resistance. To be separated feels like torture or a profound loss. To get over their separation anxiety the child needs to:

Shared Parenting

Feel safe in their home environment Trust people other than their parents Trust that their parents will return Infants and toddlers need to maintain contact with both parents on a regular basis.

Extended separation from either parent is undesirable because it causes undue stress on developing attachment relationships. Both parents need to interact frequently with the daily routine care of the child (feeding, playing, diapering, soothing, putting to bed, bathing) to ensure that a strong relationship develops and strengthens. Disrupting these relationships at this age, makes it hard to develop parent-child relationship later in life. Instead, it is considerably better for all concerned to avoid such disruptions in the first place.

Overnights with the Nonresidential Parent

In the past child development research focused on preserving the mother-infant attachment within one home, while over nights with the father were forbidden or discouraged. Research today shows such recommendations did not take into account the child's need to maintain and strengthen relationships with both parents after separation. A child thrives socially, emotionally, and cognitively if the care taking arrangements are predictable and if both parents are sensitive to the child's physical and developmental needs and emotionally available. Staying over night with the nonresidential parent provides crucial social interactions and nurturing activities, including bathing, soothing hurts, and anxieties, bedtime rituals, comforting in the middle of the night, and the reassurance and security of snuggling in the morning after awakening, that 1-2 hour visits can't provide. If the child has his own bed and space in each home; he will feel more secure with a schedule that is predictable and managed without stress in each place. To be responsive to the toddler's psychological needs, the parenting schedules adopted need to provide opportunities to interact with both parents every day or every other day in a congenial manner for the sake of the child. These everyday activities promote confidence in the parent while deepening the parent- child attachments. In addition, regardless of who's the primary caregiver, a meaningful father-child relationship at this age may encourage fathers to remain involved in their children's lives forever. The child will benefit from the extensive contact with both parents in their lives with shared parenting. Shared parenting is about co-parenting. This means treating the other parent as an important part of your child's life. These experiences provide children with social, emotional, and cognitively stimulating experiences to succeed in their education, work, and personal relationships in life.

Shared Parenting
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Changing Child Visitation (Parenting Time Modification) in Michigan Just Became Easier

Increasing, decreasing or otherwise altering child visitation time (technically parenting time modification) just became easier in Michigan. Until December 3, 2010, most judges and friend of the court referees believed that in order for a person to obtain more parenting time with their child or to limit the parenting time of the other party, one had to provide proof equal to that which would be required to change custody. I have long argued that this did not make sense because parenting time and custody are two very different things. The Michigan Court of Appeals appears to agree and the law is now changed, or at least more clear, in that regard.

A brief explanation of the proof needed to change custody is required. In order to change custody in Michigan, one must prove by clear and convincing evidence, which is a very high level of proof, that there has been a change of circumstances or proper cause that has occurred since the most recent order regarding custody before the court will even consider a change of custody.

Further, the types of change in circumstances or proper cause cannot be such things that would be considered a normal life change. Normal life changes are such things as the child growing older and wanting to participate in more activities due to a changing social, sport or activity schedule, remarriage of one spouse, move to a better home with better amenities, changes in the employment status of a parent, very young children starting to attend school or other types of changes that occur when a child develops and grows.

Changing Child Visitation (Parenting Time Modification) in Michigan Just Became Easier

These types of changes are generally not allowed as proof that a change of custody should even be considered. The courts and friend of the court referees also (in many counties) would not even consider a modification of the parenting time schedule, either to allow more child visitation or less, without this same type of evidence. Therefore, unless a parent could show as a threshold issue that there existed some serious issue with the children or the custodial parent, then their arguments for a parenting time modification would not even be considered.

There was really no published Michigan Court of Appeals case or Michigan Supreme Court case that dealt directly with this. There have been unpublished opinions from the Court of Appeals, however, unless a case is published it is not precedent. What this means is that the trial courts and friend of the court referees do not have to follow what the Court of Appeals has said in a case regarding any given issue unless it is a published case. To make things more confusing, the unpublished cases decided by the Court of Appeals regarding this issue conflict with one another. Some indicate that one did have to prove the same type of threshold issues in order to obtain more child visitation or limit the child's time with the other parent as one would with custody and other opinions stated that one did not have to prove this threshold issue or that the burden of proof was lower.

The Michigan Court of Appeals issued a new published decision on December 3, 2010, Shade v Wright, Mich. App Docket No. 296318 (2010) which held that it should be, and now is due to this case, easier to change the parenting time schedule than it is to alter custody. This case stated that in order to decrease or increase child visitation with a parent there is a more relaxed burden of proof regarding a change of circumstances or proper cause as a threshold issue than there is with custody. The court went further and stated that normal life changes such as those described above are properly considered when deciding this issue.

In the Wright v Shade case cited above, the change that allowed the mother to change the child's visitation with the father was that their daughter had started high school and her schedule of activities changed. This is exactly the type of change that trial courts specifically can not consider in order to change custody. Many trial courts and friend of the court referees also believed, before this opinion, that this was exactly the type of change of circumstances that they could not consider in order to allow a change to either increase or limit child visitation. Those courts and referees that believed this were wrong and hopefully they will now follow this case when considering these issues because Wright v Shade is binding precedent.

This makes sense mainly for the following reasons. The primary concern with child custody determinations is the stability of the child's environment and avoidance of unwarranted and disruptive custody changes, while in contrast the purpose of parenting time is to foster a strong relationship between the child and the child's parents. The parenting time statute states that it is presumed to be in the best interests of a child for the child to have a strong relationship with both parents and that parenting time shall be granted in a frequency, duration and type reasonably calculated to promote a strong relationship between the child and the parent granted parenting time.

One must also consider that as children grow, they are involved in different activities. As their developmental needs change, both parents must be flexible with their parenting time schedule as much as it may pain the parent. Early in a child's development, a child requires more frequent contact with each parent, but the duration may be shorter. As child becomes older the contact may be less frequent but of greater duration. When a child reaches school age, school and associated activities must be considered. The practical implication of a child growing older is that the child's schedule and their need for parenting time will change and therefore, the parenting time schedule must be modified to meet the child's development.

Parenting time is for the child, not the parent as much as the parent may enjoy the time with the child. Children do grow older and as they grow older their relationship with each parent will most likely change as they hopefully grow more independent. As much as it may pain a parent, their own child visitation may have to change to allow the child to find his or her own path which may have the child spend more or less time with either parent despite what the court has previously decided or the parent's previously agreed.

DISCLAIMER: This information is provided for general educational purposes only including answers posted to questions at Ask Cameron. It is not intended to be relied on as legal advice. This information may not have been updated to reflect subsequent changes in the law, if any. Your particular facts and circumstances, and any changes in the law, must be considered to determine appropriate legal advice. Always consult with a competent attorney, licensed in your state, to discuss your particular situation. This information is not intended to create, and receipt of it does not constitute, an attorney-client relationship between you and Byers & Goulding, PLC and/or Cameron C. Goulding. Please do not send information to us that you consider confidential without first obtaining:

A written statement from us that we represent you (a "retention letter") and Permission from Byers & Goulding, PLC or Cameron C. Goulding to provide

Confidential information to us relating to a particular matter.

This information is not guaranteed to be correct, complete or up-to-date. It should not be relied upon or construed as legal advice. You should not act or elect not to act based upon this information without seeking professional counsel. Byers & Goulding, PLC has its office located in Auburn Hills, Michigan. We do not wish to represent anyone in any state in which this information may not comply with all applicable laws and ethical rules, or to represent anyone with respect to legal matters related to the laws of any state or country in which our lawyers are not admitted to practice law.

Changing Child Visitation (Parenting Time Modification) in Michigan Just Became Easier
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Cameron C. Goulding, North Oakland County Michigan divorce lawyer and family law attorney has been providing the highest level of service to divorcing couples in Bloomfield, Rochester, Rochester Hills, Troy, Auburn Hills, Lake Orion, Oxford, Waterford as well as Macomb, Genesee, Wayne, Livingston and Lapeer Counties for over fourteen years. Mr. Goulding graduated from Michigan State University in 1993 and Wayne State University Law School in 1996. He is a member of the Michigan State Bar Association, Oakland County Bar Association, Rochester Bar Association, the Family Law Section of the Michigan State Bar Association and the Oakland County American Inns of Court. He was one of the first divorce lawyers awarded the Family Law Certificate by the State of Michigan Institute of Continuing Legal Education. Visit http://www.CameronGoulding.com

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Special Education - What Does IDEA Say About Functional Skills, and How Will It Help My Child?

Are you the parent of a child, receiving special education services,
that thinks your child may benefit from functional skill training?
Would you like to know what the Individuals with Disabilities
Education Act (IDEA) requires in relation to functional skills? Would
you like parenting tips on using IDEA requirements to help your child
receive functional skill training? This article is for you; it will
discuss IDEA requirements, and how you can use them to advocate for
functional skills training for your child.

The purpose of IDEA is to ensure that all children with disabilities
have available to them a free appropriate public education that
emphasizes special education and related services designed to meet
their unique needs and prepare them for further education, employment,
and independent living. Education is more than reading, writing, and
math; it also includes functional skills to help children with
disabilities live a full and rewarding life.

IDEA requires each child's IEP to contain a statement of present
levels of academic achievement and functional performance. School
personnel should give you objective information (testing) each year,
about your child's academic and functional performance. Do not accept
teacher subjective observations and grades (also subjective), to
determine if your child is making academic and functional progress.
Around Christmas time ask that testing be performed in the areas of
academics and functional skills, in January, so that these results can
be used at the annual IEP meeting. Also ask for copies of the testing
at least 14 days before the meeting, so that you will be able to be an
equal participant in the meeting.

Special Education - What Does IDEA Say About Functional Skills, and How Will It Help My Child?

IDEA also requires that the IEP contains a statement of measurable
annual goals, including academic and functional goals. Since you asked
for testing at Christmas time, and hopefully have received the results
before the IEP meeting, you will have some knowledge of your child's
academic and functional needs. Write a few academic and functional
goals, and make sure they are measurable. In other words, how will you
know when your child has made the goal? Bring the list with you to
your child's IEP meeting. Share your input on annual academic and
functional goals with the IEP team.

By understanding what the federal law IDEA states about functional
skills, you can use the information to ensure that your child is
tested in this area, and has annual goals developed for their IEP, if
needed. Functional skills will help your child become as independent
as possible as an adult, and live a more fulfilled life!

Special Education - What Does IDEA Say About Functional Skills, and How Will It Help My Child?
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JoAnn Collins is the parent of two adults with disabilities, has been an educational advocate for over 15 years, an author, as well as a speaker. JoAnn's recently released book: Disability Deception; Lies Disability Educators Tell and How Parents Can Beat Them at Their Own Game helps parents develop skills to be an assertive and persistent advocate for their child. For a free E newsletter entitled "Spotlight on Special Education" send an E mail to JoAnn@disabilitydeception.com

Check out JoAnn's Web site at http://www.disabilitydeception.com

Can be reached at Phone Number 815-932-9263

JoAnn Collins Copyright 2008

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